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Thursday, 22 May 2014

The truth about being taken for granted

During couple spats, there are bound to be a few "stop taking me for granted" here and there.

It is often assumed that the one at the receiving end of this sentence is the one who cared less in the relationship, and it's true, I agree with that.
The thing is, most people just stop there and simply place conclusions. 
To me, there is more to that.

Why is the boy taking the girl for granted? Was he that way in every relationship?
Was he broken by the previous relationship that made him this way?

There are many reasons why people take others for granted;
& honestly? I think the ones to be blamed are the victims themselves.
I know I sound heartless to you now, 
but truth to be told, I got my fair share of experience when it comes to being taken for granted,
and I blame no one but myself.

1. Half sugarism 

Everything too much is never too good. 

It's like making yourself a cup of tea. The right amount of sugar creates a subtle sweetness and too much sugar overpowers the aroma of the tea leaves and makes the cup of tea less enticing.

Many guys/girls I've seen complaining that their partners are taking them for granted are usually what I called, "a little cray cray" or "over the top". Striving to be the perfect lover is one thing but being a good one, is another. Too nice is never = too good, remember that.

Practicing half sugarism gives your partner the "roller coaster" experience. Just imagine, if a roller coaster doesn't have ups and downs, and is just moving at a high speed with no loops and turns, highs and lows, will it still be an exciting and fun ride? Being nice all the time is simply flat. There isn't anything for your partner to look forward to because you're nice, all. the. time.

I don't mean that you have to be awful to your partner and then be nice,
don't play mind games. 
What I'm trying to say is, be nice but in moderation and in the right situations.

2. He/she is effortless because you suck them all away

Has it occurred to you that you're always the one trying and giving?
Yes, your partner should hold his/her end of the stick and meet you half way but,
why isn't he/she doing that?

People say men likes to be the chaser, the predator.
Women who are easy to get are like carcasses dropped at their doorsteps.
This takes away all the fun in hunting and
that's why men find such women less attractive.
The truth is, it doesn't only apply to men,
it applies to everyone.

Putting in unconditional efforts all the time can sometimes make your partner feel that 
he/she doesn't need to do much to keep you. 
This is especially true if your partner is the conceited type.
To them, because you're showing such eagerness in the relationship, 
they think by having them is the best thing that could ever happen to you,
and by allowing you to give is all the appreciation you can ever receive.

For those less conceited type, it is difficult for them to keep up with your efforts,
because it feels as though you put in their share of efforts, too,
and whatever they do can never top what you've done for them.

The beauty of gift exchanges is giving and receiving a thoughtful gift once in awhile.
By sending gifts all the time, your gifts lose their meanings.

You can't blame your partner for not knowing how to drive if you're always the one driving, 
take the back seat once in awhile.

3. You don't share your thoughts

This is especially true when you're the Reacher in the relationship. 

Just because you think you are less attractive/rich/gifted/popular than your partner,
it doesn't mean you should give in all the time and treat your own thoughts less importantly.

Just remember, your partner may be the Settler, but look, he/she settled for you; that should mean something. There must be something about you that your partner appreciates; this gives your thought as much of a priority as your partner's.

It is your fault if your partner takes no attention to your thoughts/feelings which seemed like he/she is taking you for granted because you are always going with his/her flow and agreeing to everything. 
It's not wrong to assume that that's just the way you are.

4. You're not giving enough space

Just like nature, everything needs a balance. 

You treat your partner as your world and your life revolves all around him/her. 
That explains how you're always attentive, sweet and caring,
because you placed all your time and effort in the relationship, 
treating it like it's the only project you have going on in your life.
It's no wonder you're the one always giving because honestly, 
you've got nothing better in your mind that you wish to do, everything's secondary.

Striking a balance in a relationship is a must. 
You can't be too clingy that it's suffocating and yet not too distant that might kill the relationship.
Absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder, but too much makes the love wither, too. 
What's best is to leave your partner alone to participate in other things crucial in his/her life,
and yet be there when he/she needs you.
Your absence makes your partner appreciate your presence more.

5. You allowed it

No one knows where your limit is. Every relationship is a trial & error.

Your irks and preferences should be made known to your partner (unless you're dating a psychic).

If you never once voice out to your partner on how unappreciative you feel, 
it's no surprise that he/she spares no regards to it.

Imagine how a scenario can have 2 different outcomes:

You cooked a meal for your boyfriend when he came back from work and he went straight to the shower after dinner without showing his thanks.

Not voicing out: you kept it to yourself and always look back on this incident to remind yourself how unappreciative your boyfriend is.

Voicing out: you found out that his negligence was due to him being drained from work and he apologized for making you feel unappreciated.

Not voicing out all the time will soon create a snowball of misunderstandings,
which could eventually harm the relationship by making it seems like one is taking the other for granted.
Everyone has different view on things; 
maybe to your partner it's perfectly fine when it's not okay to you. 
It's your job to let him/her know so that he/she can be better for you.
Letting it be and then blaming your partner for taking you for granted later,
this isn't fair at all.

6. You're dating a bitch/jerk

No argue with that.

Sometimes it's true that you're taken for granted because your partner just sucks.

It's time to see exactly how much you actually are worth.

The person taking for granted is not always fully at fault.
I guess sometimes, underlying problems are seen only through the looking glass.
Personally, when I see a clingy girl or perhaps, a boy who is eager to please,
I don't feel sorry for them when their partner is being laid back in the relationship,
because the reason to their problem is blatant.

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